As my husband and I celebrate our one-year of marriage milestone, I’d like to take a moment to reflect on some of the key things to consider before getting married. If you’re reading this, ideally it would be during a period of courtships or perhaps while you’re single and waiting on God to send your “Boaz”. Regardless of what your relationship status is here are:
7 things that every Christian woman should consider before saying “I DO”.
1. How is my relationship with God?
When deciding whether to get married, the first thing you should consider is the status of your relationship with God. This is the most important factor because the relationship you share with God and how you submit to God, will be the paradigm or model for how you treat your husband.
Questions to ask yourself: Can I hear from God and yield to his direction? Do I trust him for direction? Am I willing to walk away from anything or anyone at his command?
2. Is this the Man God has ordained for me?
In our society, it’s so common to marry someone who we’ve chosen for ourselves. We often neglect to uphold our obligation of consulting God for confirmation in relationships. Our failure to do so, most often ends in our own heartbreak or unequally yoked marriages (More about this later 😊).
Questions to ask yourself: What confirmation has God given me concerning this relationship? Has my partner received confirmation?
3. Am I ready to submit to a Husband?
If you haven’t submitted to God, your answer to this is NO! If you cannot fully submit to God and yield to his power, allowing him to guide your life, you are not ready to be led by anyone else. There will be decisions that your husband will make, that you will not always like, agree with or understand; but you will have to stand beside him regardless of what your feelings are trusting that he made the decision under the direction of the Holy Spirit. When you enter into the covenant of marriage, you become one flesh, leaving behind parents and cleaving to one another; You can no longer make the argument, “He did this”, or “I would’ve preferred this” – the two of you must maintain a unified front. Sometimes there will be decisions concerning your family, finances, and future that your husband will have to make before the two of you can consult and agree. You must know that you are marrying a man who is of sound-mind and is being led by the holy spirit. Trust him, but trust that God is leading and guiding him beyond anything.
Questions to ask yourself: Do I trust his ability to lead? I am ready to remove pride and practice humility in my relationship?
4. Whether I am ready to give up the freedoms of being single?
The Idea of being in Love, and getting married is great, but is that truly what you want? Entering a marriage sometimes means you must compromise the timeline for which you wanted to accomplish certain goals or have certain experiences. You must realize that your life won’t be centered around your own thoughts and desires anymore. The desires you make will impact your mate and possibly your future. Both parties must be willing to give your marriage one hundred percent, committing to one another and to building their future together.
Questions to ask yourself: Are there things that I need to accomplish for myself, before I get married? In what ways will my life change after marriage? Am I prepared to adjust to those changes?
5. Do we have a clear understanding of marriage?
Before getting married, two of the most helpful things my husband and I did were:
1. Premarital counseling: Going to premarital counseling gave us the opportunity to bring an objective third party into our relationship to ask questions, give insight, and cover us spiritually in prayer during our courtship. A premarital counselor should assist in teaching you about the purpose of marriage, the order of the household, and assist you in merging personal lives.
2. Developing Rules of Engagement: My husband and I sat down together and developed the rules of engagement for our marriage. Some of the things we discussed include communication preferences, cleaning, finances, emergency health decisions, and life goals. Together we developed a mission and a vision statement so that we were on the same page with what we wanted to accomplish in our marriage and within our family.
6. Are we equally yoked?
This is one of the most important questions because if the two of you aren’t on the same page spiritually, you are not ready to be married. Under no circumstance should a believer ever marry a non-believer. When we are unequally yoked in a relationship, we can never effectively accomplish the purpose that God has set out for us because we are at odds with the person who should be striving to become one flesh with us. This means that the very person who your purpose and future is supposed to be entrusted to is an enemy. Your beliefs don’t align, and your spirits are at odds with one another. For more on being in Equally Yoked relationships check out my book Uneasily Yoked and 2 Corinthians 6:14-18.
Questions to ask yourself: What issues might we face that are rooted in the differences of our spiritual beliefs and values? Are you aware of the challenges that are ahead, when marrying someone of a different faith? (Ex. Conflicts on what faith the children will practice or the celebration/ observation of holidays)
7. What could I do that would potentially damage or hinder our marriage?
Behavior patterns, generational curses, baggage, and pride are a few of many different things that can kill a marriage before it even gets started. Lack of self-awareness will assist you in destroying your marriage as well. Take time to sit and reflect on your past, and the root to some of the issues you’ve faced in your life. Make sure your motives are good as it pertains to the reasons why you want to get married. Someone being Fine, or being financing secure and able to provide are NOT good reasons; Looks change and money may come and go, but a good marriage, a God ordained marriage, should be able to weather any storm as long as God is at the forefront. Love is also not a good reason to get married, feelings change as well, and your foundation must be strong and not built on superficial standards.
There is no greater love than that of Christ. Being in an equally yoked relationship, where God has ordained the marriage gives you a personal view of how Christ loves us daily. I was blessed to marry my best friend. Together we can grow in the faith, chase after God, and build our family’s legacy. Daily he acts as a reflection of Christ, loving me how Christ loves the church. Although it is rewarding, being a wife is a lot of responsibility spiritually and otherwise, it is my goal that these questions, push you in the right direction and assist you in your happily ever after.
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